Keep quiet and mate with the beast
“Broken Mirrors – A Daily Psychology Book for Women Who Are Tired of Competing With Ghosts”
Every morning, she stood in front of the mirror like it was a morning argument over some minute thing that she didn’t start, but kept losing anyway. She looked, but she didn’t want her looking back. She wanted the secretary. The pretty one. The slim one. The one who walked off with her husband like it was nothing more than a misplaced purse.
Maybe it was the body. The secretary had a body that didn’t argue with gravity. Hers did.
So she compared. Of course she did. That was her real morning routine.
Hair. Lips. Cheeks. The soft betrayals under fabric.
She lined herself up against other women like a losing horse at the track.
Always a second too slow. Always heavier where it mattered.
She tried. Day and night, she tried.
And failed. Failed with dedication.
It was that old fairy tale again, whispering through the glass:
Mirror, mirror, on the wall—who is the fairest of them all?
Only the mirror never lied politely. It just shrugged and said, There’s always someone else. Somewhere. Younger. Prettier. Less tired.
“If you want healing,” she told herself, voice flat,
“there are only two exits.”
Kill her.
Or break the mirror.
But she wasn’t stupid enough to believe either would work.
You can’t murder half the planet—not the secretaries, not the friends with good bone structure and effortless smiles. And breaking the mirror? That’s just pretending the truth isn’t waiting for you somewhere else, reflected in shop windows, photos, other people’s eyes… and looks, and comments.
So the labyrinth stayed.
The Minotaur lived there too—big, breathing guilt and judgment down her neck. No sword. No hero. Her hero left her with the secretary, and there was no one to risk his life for her. The princess was alone. What stayed? Just endless crooked corridors where every turn led back to the same thought: Not enough.
She wondered—dangerously—if the trick wasn’t escape at all.
What if she stopped running?
What if she walked straight up to the beast, let it bend over her, and breed and all?
Maybe submission was the way out.
Yield. Endure.
Become small in the old Victorian sense—quiet, obedient, sealed shut. Bear the weight. Bear the children. Smile softly. Never talk back. Never let the inside spill out.
Maybe that would save her life.
But she knew better.
It would only save the outside, but inside, she’d be dead.
The scale waited for her like a judge with no mercy.
She stepped on.
Fat.
That’s what it screamed, loud enough to crack brick walls.
Her hand twitched. The bronze hair clip slipped from her fingers and hit the floor. She watched it fall the way hot-air balloons drop sandbags—hoping, stupidly, for lift-off.
Nothing happened.
No lightness.
No rising.
Just gravity doing what it always does. Pulling you down.
The moment carved itself into her memory, deep and permanent, like a needle cutting a groove into vinyl. A record that would play forever. Turn it over, play it again. Same song. Same chorus.
You are lacking.
You are heavy.
You are not her.
The Problem: The Inferiority Complex
If this dissatisfaction becomes a chronic, “all-or-nothing” feeling, psychologists might refer to it as an Inferiority Complex.
Coined by Alfred Adler, this describes a persistent sense of being “lesser” than others.
People with this complex often struggle with a permanent “yardstick” in their heads, measuring their worth solely based on how they stack up against peers. Psychologist Leon Festinger, who founded the Personal Relative Deprivation theory, argued that humans have an innate drive to evaluate themselves. When there is no objective “ruler” to measure ourselves with (like a literal test score), we use other people as the ruler.
The danger in the modern world is that we often compare our “behind-the-scenes” (our struggles and flaws) to everyone else’s “highlight reel” (what they post on social media), which makes the dissatisfaction feel even more intense.
The Way Out & Healing:
To stop the “comparison trap,” you have to shift your brain’s focus from external metrics (what they have) to internal values (who you are).
In psychology, this is often treated by moving from “social comparison” to “self-reference.” Here are the most effective psychological strategies to do that:
1. Shift to “Self-Comparison” (The 1% Rule)
Instead of comparing yourself to a peer, compare yourself to who you were yesterday.
The Technique: Ask yourself, “Am I 1% better, more patient, or more knowledgeable than I was last week?”
Why it works: Social comparison is often unfair because you’re comparing your “insides” (your doubts and mess) to someone else’s “outsides” (their highlights). Comparing yourself to your past self is the only fair “apples-to-apples” comparison.
2. Identify Your “Comparison Triggers”
Dissatisfaction usually isn’t constant; it’s triggered by specific events.
The Strategy: Keep a “Trigger Journal” for three days. Note when you feel that “sting” of inadequacy. Is it after scrolling Instagram? Talking to a specific “competitive” friend? Seeing someone’s LinkedIn update?
The Action: Once you identify a trigger (like an Instagram account), mute or unfollow it for 30 days. This creates “mental space” to reconnect with your own life.
3. Practice “Benign Envy” vs. “Malicious Envy”
Psychologists distinguish between two types of envy:
Malicious Envy: “I wish they didn’t have that; I feel bad because they are successful.” (This leads to dissatisfaction).
Benign Envy: “I want what they have. What steps did they take to get there?”
The Pivot: When you feel dissatisfied, turn the envy into curiosity. Ask: “What specifically about her life do I want? Is it her confidence? Her job? How can I work toward that for myself?”
4. Cognitive Reframing (CBT Technique)
In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), we look for “thinking errors.” A common one here is Selective Filtering—only seeing what you lack and ignoring what you have.
The “Counter-List”: When you think, “She is so much more successful than me,” immediately list three things you have that are valuable (e.g., “I am a loyal friend,” “I am great at my hobby,” “I have worked hard to overcome X”).
The Goal: You aren’t trying to say you are “better” than her; you are trying to prove to your brain that your life has independent value.
5. Grounding in Personal Values
Dissatisfaction often happens because we are trying to win a game we don’t even want to play.
The Values Check: Write down your top three values (e.g., Kindness, Creativity, Security).
The Realization: If you value “Creativity” but you are comparing your “Wealth” to a millionaire, you are judging yourself by the wrong ruler. Focus on how well you are living your own values.
A chapter from our long awaited book: Broken Mirrors – A Daily Psychology Book for Women Who Are Tired of Competing With Ghosts, a practical quide to mental health and better youself
